I know this will come across as a downer to most. I am feeling quite black lately. My family’s support, Liam’s birth and Dylan’s wedding lifted my heart from a very dismal place thankfully, or this might reflect an even deepr level of malaise.  At times I simply see just black. Where there is no color, there is no light and I don’t function there…I languish.

If history is a good reference, then the fact that I’m writing again, although sparingly, is a “good” thing. I recover…


So what’s in a year,

How far is that?

Is it far enough for fear

To set us back?

I haven’t decided yet

What it is I expect

But certainly I’ll lend an ear

To any and all good cheer

For this year has tried me

Bent, spindled and fried me

I don’t know how I’ll be

With anymore uncertainty

Or this unending delinquency

Of any form of serenity

What more would you have of me

How now should I try to see

Your efforts to comfort me

What response will set you free

From trying to ease the misery?

God, please, leave it be.

I have lived with much I would rather not

I have fought the fight, destruction I’ve wrought

When now I seek the power to continue

I only find a diminishing window

Of hope and strength to be there for

Mine own kins’ needs for whatever more

Time He’s lent me to make the most

Of what I’ve rendered as part of His host

I need not endurance of many years

I need simply to dry up these tears

So that I might find some solace in

Whatever comes now from deep within

Now that I’ve burned the images clear

Of the things I’ve feared for so many years

I can face them, remember and remain standing

But the cost of this effort is much like branding

Scarred I am from head to toe

With the visions of children in the glow

Of the eternal damnation we must know

For what we have done is not just a show

Father forgive me

I am thankfully alive

My heart is heavy

But still I will strive

To live as your soldier

Forward I’ll drive

Perhaps ever bolder

65 and all that jive

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