Of trying something new

I’ve been writing for a while. ..seriously, that is, since 1989. Recently I have ventured into several brands of therapy with the VA in an effort to thwart the symptoms of PTSD. For some reason I never considered a writing group. Go figure.  The second most important woman in my life right now, my Vet Center counselor, has been suggesting this for a year. I gave in and attended my first meeting yesterday.  I don’t share my writing face to face. The emotions are way too powerful for me to control so I avoid this trial with a passion. This issue surfaced again yesterday with gusto. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t look. What I brought to share, vanilla flavored bunk, I couldn’t read.  What I wrote on site about floored me. The “monitor” had to read for me.
I would call it a fail for half participation except that I did what WAS expected of me.  I wrote my heart. Part of the session is dedicated  to writing something about a topic picked by a member. You have 15 minutes. I stared at my tab for 11 of those,  then. ..
Subject of the day: “Caution”.  You don’t say? God has a sense of humor, doesn’t he?
My terrified effort:

Came because I had to
Came because I should
Lost but hanging onto
Whatever hold I could

Try to open up a bit
Feel okay to share
Never open up so much
A sudden friendship dare

Tickle words upon my tab
Trying still to hide
Holding out, won’t take a stab
Rolling in naked pride

Can’t Be sure, it’s not okay
Laying out my life
Remembering those other days
Of broken futile strife

Back away from this open book
Store away your dreams
Just in case they take a look
They’ll see your frozen screams


I’m not even sure what to name it? “Caution” seems too simple.
I have resolved to go back though in spite of insanity.  I’m taking that as a pass.

2 thoughts on “Of trying something new

  1. Best of luck Shorty, I hope this puts a big dent in the ghosts of the past… you have more courage in exposing yourself than I could muster.


  2. It all helps Nikko. Burying it has done nothing for me. Admitting it all to myself was only part of the process. Like I said, if in reading about my struggle, one more person finds a way out then it was way worth it to expose myself.


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